Rocky Cape Christian Community

Australian troops on war-ravaged Timor Leste, former Portuguese possession off our west coast.

 

 
Can soldiers be friends?

Of course.
 
Even Christians can be friends at times. . . .
 
We all have it in us, naturally, to seek and offer friendship. Fighting to kill, to destroy, to put ourselves up and others down is unnatural, but, in the words of Anselm Grün, a brother of the Münsterschwarzach community in Germany . . .  

To Become a Friend is to Become Fully Human

“With a friend beside you, no road is too long,” say the Japanese. A friend at our side gives us strength to persevere, regardless how bad things get. He supports us even though we stand with our backs to the wall. He motivates us to keep on in the struggle of life.  

Without a friend we stand in danger of losing the ground under our feet. But with a friend beside us, we see a way out of all trouble. Without a friend I would have said many times, “Macht euren Dreck alleine!” (Let everyone else worry about themselves. I will go my way alone!). But I know only too well that for doing it I would hurt myself and all those around me (particularly those for whom I am responsible).

Speaking with a friend lets me evaluate the pattern of my life. Alone, I would head up many dead-end streets. But a friend helps me avoid them. He gives me the breath I need to keep running the race to the end.

A handicapped woman, whose friends gave meaning and purpose to her life, wrote: “What flying is to birds, friendship is to me. It lifts me above the dust of the earth.” I find this very true. Having a friend at my side lifts me up, and lets me go my way with joy. It keeps me from stumbling over every rock in front of me.

Speaking with a friend about the difficulties I face lets me see them in another light. Then they no longer frighten or oppress me. Having a friend close by protects me from negative emotions that assail me from every direction. It helps absorb the shock of whatever hits me during the day.

At a meeting in our Münsterschwarzach community we discussed how friendship gives us peace. It awakens the stiff and dormant emotions within us. It makes us strong.

That is true. Having a real friend makes you a stronger person. Perhaps that is the reason so many institutions discourage it.

Until recently, many Christian communities looked at close friendships as divisive and dangerous. Leaders of such communities warned against “private” or “personal” friendships and feared that close relationships among their members would undermine the unity of the group as a whole.

In the same way friendships were discouraged in the military and many businesses cannot tolerate them. If soldiers discovered real friendship, how could they keep on killing? If businessmen discovered it, how could they keep on cutting sharp deals?

To become a friend is to become fully human. It makes us stronger and at the same time more gentle. It opens us to love even our enemies.

All institutions—Christian communities included—that make “success” and “progress” their goal, become impersonal and inhuman. Real friendship cannot survive within them because it opens us up one to another. It lets us see others as better than ourselves. It makes us willing to give another the advantage and take the back seat. Real friendship does not fit into competition and personal aggression. It sets those that find it onto the wide foundation of peace.

Looking back we see how the institutional church (the state church) has long handled friendship with scepticism and distrust. Leaders always spoke of the danger of too much affection. Those in highest esteem in the church were the men and women that distanced themselves from all “romanticism” and looked at close relationships as subversive. But Jesus did not think that way.

Jesus stimulated the bonds of intimate friendship. Theologians have long worked their way around this, because it does not suit their beliefs. Not friendship, but church unity and organisation are their main concerns. Yet among believers here and there the Spirit of Jesus keeps bringing circles of friendship and brotherhood into being. Some of the first Anabaptists cared for one another in all respects—spiritually, emotionally, and in material things, after they became friends in Jesus. The Quakers call themselves, “Society of Friends.” New communities and house fellowships of believers that love and care for one another keep springing up today.  

To recognise the value of friendship brings us back into the attitude of Jesus who became such a good friend of his disciples that he gave his life for them.     

(translated and adapted from "Ich wünsch dir einen Freund" by Anselm Grün, Vier-Türme-Verlag, Münsterschwarzach, 2002)

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Let us pray that not only soldiers, but warring Christians may find true friendship and peace.

Peter

Rocky Cape Christian Community
19509 Bass Highway, Detention River
Tasmania, Australia
www.thecommonlife.com.au